"Go get therapy" needs deciphered/decoded - like everything in the 2x2 culture. And without the key, one doesn't exactly know how to do that.
Only in hindsight does it become clear: "go get therapy" actually means go get a lobotomy to dull your logic and critical thinking so you won't be a problem any longer. You were correct but could not find the language to express what you knew instinctively!
What you're experiencing is integration - the both/and instead of either/or. As in: beautiful mess, broken beauty.....
So healthy. It's where compassion blossoms from, in my opinion. And it is mature, wise, tender and helpful to others when this happens. You become a pollinator, a procreator, a multiplier, someone with something to offer others - but from your fullness not emptiness. And without shame! No mask.
The 2x2 culture is a narcissistic entity with all that entails. As a young, naive worker you were used by the system to feed the system. Think Orks in Mordor.......grinding it out, chewed up and spit out.
Battle scars. Yep. They are there to remind you where you came from and where you're going.
Never be sorry about the "pray for the peace of the septic" email. That was legendary and well said, regardless of how it landed with recipients. Alissa mentioned in another comment here how apt the description of coming through "without the smell of smoke" is and I agree.
Long story short, I had an unexpected health event years ago that put me in the hospital for just shy of a week. When I got out, I never talked about it with people in the cult. Many in it noted that I never said anything about it. I didn't because my experience didn't fit the expected narrative. I was angry. It didn't make sense. I didn't feel closer to God for it and wondered why I went through something that only made me less capable, when I already was trying to follow Jesus.
There was no neat bow on it, and I kept all thoughts to myself with the knowledge it would be received the way you've described in this podcast. It was better to work through things in my own head, than to share with others and only get spiritual bypass, without empathy or sympathy, instead of support.
The fact is, the way preachers are taught to give sermons in that thing is indicative of its approach to all things. With very few exceptions, the majority of chapters go undiscussed and unaddressed, while honing in on some particular verse that makes the point they want to make. They stress coming through experiences with no smell of smoke, while dismissing the numerous accounts of people responding to tragedy with wailing, grief and sorrow, that reaction seen as justified by God and him sending help in return. Good episode.
You have a soothing podcast voice. And also, the points you make are enriching to hear - maybe enriching isn’t the right word for the actual hurt of your experience but in trying to untangle alongside many, it does enrich my perspective to hear from others struggling to do the same. I look forward to listening to more! And I echo your sentiments about mourning the lack of an appropriate response. It’s been my realization that the knee jerk reaction I will always have for the safety and care of those I love is on the opposite end of the spectrum of what the knee jerk reaction looks like by those making decisions in the 2x2 church. And that disparity in reaction is not something I can live with…
20 minutes went by? This was so helpful for me. Especially when thinking about starting therapy next week and what I’m trying to heal inside. The whole idea that there is something wrong with me bc God never waved His magic wand over my life and I never achieved that “ level of wholeness” with no smoke, no smell… wow. I want to send this to all the workers I know! lol.
I agree! 💯. And the bit about having to turn off a part of your humanity.... That's gold!... I think of it as muting now. But it took me a long time to see that. When I left 28 years ago I was propelled by a deep desire to grow as a person and to try to find some self-esteem in the process. I thought basically there was something wrong with me that I felt this way. Now I see that I was just making a bid for full humanity. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
It’s not rambling, it’s a walk through the thought processing and it’s so good!
"Go get therapy" needs deciphered/decoded - like everything in the 2x2 culture. And without the key, one doesn't exactly know how to do that.
Only in hindsight does it become clear: "go get therapy" actually means go get a lobotomy to dull your logic and critical thinking so you won't be a problem any longer. You were correct but could not find the language to express what you knew instinctively!
What you're experiencing is integration - the both/and instead of either/or. As in: beautiful mess, broken beauty.....
So healthy. It's where compassion blossoms from, in my opinion. And it is mature, wise, tender and helpful to others when this happens. You become a pollinator, a procreator, a multiplier, someone with something to offer others - but from your fullness not emptiness. And without shame! No mask.
The 2x2 culture is a narcissistic entity with all that entails. As a young, naive worker you were used by the system to feed the system. Think Orks in Mordor.......grinding it out, chewed up and spit out.
Battle scars. Yep. They are there to remind you where you came from and where you're going.
Amazing, Jared! So much good stuff here. I agree, we need to keep our humanity and our messiness.
Never be sorry about the "pray for the peace of the septic" email. That was legendary and well said, regardless of how it landed with recipients. Alissa mentioned in another comment here how apt the description of coming through "without the smell of smoke" is and I agree.
Long story short, I had an unexpected health event years ago that put me in the hospital for just shy of a week. When I got out, I never talked about it with people in the cult. Many in it noted that I never said anything about it. I didn't because my experience didn't fit the expected narrative. I was angry. It didn't make sense. I didn't feel closer to God for it and wondered why I went through something that only made me less capable, when I already was trying to follow Jesus.
There was no neat bow on it, and I kept all thoughts to myself with the knowledge it would be received the way you've described in this podcast. It was better to work through things in my own head, than to share with others and only get spiritual bypass, without empathy or sympathy, instead of support.
The fact is, the way preachers are taught to give sermons in that thing is indicative of its approach to all things. With very few exceptions, the majority of chapters go undiscussed and unaddressed, while honing in on some particular verse that makes the point they want to make. They stress coming through experiences with no smell of smoke, while dismissing the numerous accounts of people responding to tragedy with wailing, grief and sorrow, that reaction seen as justified by God and him sending help in return. Good episode.
Thanks for sharing that Claude, I always appreciate what you weigh in with.
You have a soothing podcast voice. And also, the points you make are enriching to hear - maybe enriching isn’t the right word for the actual hurt of your experience but in trying to untangle alongside many, it does enrich my perspective to hear from others struggling to do the same. I look forward to listening to more! And I echo your sentiments about mourning the lack of an appropriate response. It’s been my realization that the knee jerk reaction I will always have for the safety and care of those I love is on the opposite end of the spectrum of what the knee jerk reaction looks like by those making decisions in the 2x2 church. And that disparity in reaction is not something I can live with…
Thank you Jami!
20 minutes went by? This was so helpful for me. Especially when thinking about starting therapy next week and what I’m trying to heal inside. The whole idea that there is something wrong with me bc God never waved His magic wand over my life and I never achieved that “ level of wholeness” with no smoke, no smell… wow. I want to send this to all the workers I know! lol.
I agree! 💯. And the bit about having to turn off a part of your humanity.... That's gold!... I think of it as muting now. But it took me a long time to see that. When I left 28 years ago I was propelled by a deep desire to grow as a person and to try to find some self-esteem in the process. I thought basically there was something wrong with me that I felt this way. Now I see that I was just making a bid for full humanity. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for yours!
Jared!!! This video or audio or whatever this is called, losing voice is what I’ve been “working” on!